Nursery Rhymes: Hogwarts Style!
by jennifer snape
Summary: Starting with Chapter 1: Winky's drinking problem. Also featuring Baa Baa Buckbeak and many others!
1. Winky Winky There You Are

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Winky, Winky There You Are

(Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

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Dobby (forlornly):

"Winky, Winky, there you are!

Drinking at the mini-bar,

I will call the cops tonight -

If you start another fight;

This time you have gone too far,

Please don't vomit in my car"

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Dobby bundles Winky into his car and drives the elf home.

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Lyrics for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star:

_Twinkle twinkle little star_

_How I wonder what you are_

_Up above the world so high_

_Like a diamond in the sky_

_Twinkle twinkle little star_

_How I wonder what you are_


	2. Molly Put The Kettle On

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Molly Put The Kettle On

(Sing to the tune of Polly Put The Kettle On)

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Molly put the kettle on

Ginny hexed a frightened Ron

Fred and George burst into song

They all had tea

Arthur got his car to land

Bill and Fleur were hand in hand

Percy came to visit and –

They all ran away

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Lyrics to Polly Put The Kettle On:

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

We'll all have tea

Sukey take it off again

Sukey take it off again

Sukey take it off again

They've all gone away


	3. That Horrid Voldemort

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That Horrid Voldemort!

Sing to the tune of 'The Grand Old Duke Of York'

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Harry is watching the National Lottery, his ticket in his hand. While he waits for the numbers to come up, his mind wanders to Lord Voldemort….

"Oh, that horrid Voldemort

He'll never rule again

His band of Death-Eaters have so little skill

Even Neville could beat them

The Triwizard Cup was messed up

Then Cedric was down on the ground

But now I don't care 'cause my numbers are up

And I've won a million pounds!"

Lucky Harry!

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The lyrics for The Grand old Duke of York:

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Oh, the Grand old Duke of York

He had ten thousand men

He marched them up to the top of the hill

And he marched them down again.

When they were up, they were up

And when they were down, they were down

And when they were only halfway up

They were neither up nor down.


	4. Harry Potter

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Ok, judging by the reviews, nobody can remember the nursery rhyme 'Solomon Grundy'! I love it though because I remember it from when I was young. If anyone else can remember it - I'd love to hear from you!

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Harry Potter

(In the same style as the nursery rhyme 'Solomon Grundy')

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Harry Potter born on a Monday

Robbed The Dark Lord of all his powers on Tuesday

Defeated a sixty-foot long snake on Wednesday

Was told by a cheerful Professor Trelawney that he would be betrayed by all his friends and die a lonely man on Thursday

Blubbered like a girl at the prospect of asking Cho out on Friday

Won the Triwizard Cup (good) only to find that it was a trap by Voldemort (bad) but then defeated him again (good) with Cedric dying in the process (bad) on Saturday

Stayed in bed on Sunday (Saving the world repeatedly gets quite tiring)

That was a week in the life of Harry Potter

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Lyrics for Solomon Grundy:

Solomon Grundy born on a Monday

Christened on Tuesday

Married on Wednesday

Took ill on Thursday

Worse on Friday

Died on Saturday

Buried on Sunday

That was the end of Solomon Grundy


	5. Baa Baa Buckbeak

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Baa Baa Buckbeak

(Sing to the tune of Baa Baa Black Sheep)

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Lucius Malfoy (eyes narrowed):

"Baa Baa Buckbeak I am not a fool

I saw you escape the school

With that idiot on your back

I cannot stand that stupid Sirius Black"

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Lyrics for Baa Baa Black Sheep:

Baa baa black sheep have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full

One for the master and one for the dame

And one for the little boy who lives down the lane


	6. Harry Had Sorting Hat

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Harry Had A Sorting Hat

Sing to the tune of 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'

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Harry had a Sorting hat; it told him where to go

Not Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but _Slytherin_ you know

But Harry argued at this choice; he didn't want the school

To place him right in Malfoy's house, he'd feel like such a fool

And so he begged for _Gryffindor_, and soon a lively cheer

Erupted from the lion's den when he was placed in here

And so he scrambled off his seat and in relief, he sighed

And watching closely, from above, his parents swelled with pride

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The lyrics to Mary had a little lamb:

Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow;  
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.  
It followed her to school one day, which was against the rule;  
It made the children laugh and play, to see a lamb at school.  
And so the teacher turned it out, but still it lingered near,  
And waited patiently about till Mary did appear.  
"Why does the lamb love Mary so?" the eager children cry;  
"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know" the teacher did reply


	7. Aragog The Spider

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Aragog The Spider

Sing to the tune of 'Incy Wincy Spider'

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Professor Sprout notices the gigantic spider on the outskirts of the forest and charges madly after it with his wand held high….

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Aragog the spider was being chased by Sprout

"NO! He is tame!" yelled Hagrid with a shout

Out came Firenze - and with the help of Bane

Helped Aragog the spider to hide from Sprout again

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Firenze and Bane, the resident centaurs, create a diversion whilst Aragog scuttles into the Forbidden Forest.

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The lyrics to Incy Wincy Spider:

Incy Wincy spider climbed up the water-spout

_Down came the rain and washed the spider out  
_

_Out came the sun and dried up all the rain  
_

_So Incy Wincy spider climbed up the spout again!_


	8. All The Marauders

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All The Marauders

Sing to the tune of 'Little Jack Horner'

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It's a few years into the future, and a grown up Viktor Krum has become a professional Quidditch player. He is taking part in the World Cup, and after the opening match, Lupin ponders over something.

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All the Marauders sat in a sauna

Suddenly Lupin sighed

"You know Viktor Krum? He's got a nice bum!

So Padfoot, you're dumped!" he cried

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Padfoot bursts into tears and runs out.

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The lyrics for Little Jack Horner:

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner

Eating his Christmas pie

He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum

And said "What a good boy am I!"


	9. Lock Your Gold Safely

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Lock Your Gold Safely

Sing to the tune of 'Rock A Bye Baby'

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Professor McGonagall lectures Hagrid regarding his finances….

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"Lock your gold safely down in Gringotts

Don't hide your Sickles in your old socks!

One day you'll wake to find them all gone

You'll have to borrow from Dumbledore"

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Lyrics to Rock A Bye Baby:

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,

When the wind blows the cradle will rock,

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,

And down will come baby, cradle and all.


	10. Peeves Had A Shop

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Peeves Had A Shop

Sing to the tune of 'Pease Pudding Hot'

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Peeves is vomiting on the road, having eaten his body weight in ice-cream. (Sorry – I mean _former_ body weight).

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Peeves had a shop, ice-cream it sold

Peeves gobbled all the stock - caught a cold

He sneezed non-stop, (loudly I'm told)

Peeves then threw up the lot – on the road

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Lyrics to Pease Pudding Hot:

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Pease pudding hot, Pease pudding cold,

Pease pudding in the pot - nine days old.

Some like it hot, some like it cold,

Some like it in the pot - nine days old.


	11. Hey Little Riddle

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Hey little Riddle

Sing to the tune of 'Hey Diddle Diddle'

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After poking fun at one of the zoo animals, Voldemort gets threatened by some rather fearsome kangaroos ….

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Hey little Riddle

You're stuck in the middle

Between two large kangaroos

You shouldn't have laughed

At that giraffe

When visiting them at them zoo

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The lyrics to Hey Diddle Diddle:

_Hey diddle diddle,_

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The cat and the fiddle,_

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The cow jumped over the moon;_

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The little dog laughed_

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To see such fun,_

_And the dish ran away with the spoon._


	12. One, Two, Severus Knew

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One, Two, Severus Knew

Sing to the tune of 'One, Two, Buckle My Shoe'

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One, two, Severus knew

Three, four, Dumbledore

Five, six, liked Bellatrix

Seven, eight, they would date

Nine, ten, now and then

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Eleven, twelve, by an elf

Thirteen, fourteen, they were caught in

Fifteen, sixteen, Hogwarts' kitchen

Seventeen, eighteen, she'd been waiting

Nineteen, twenty, in the pantry!

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I know pantry doesn't really rhyme with twenty but I had the idea of Bellatrix and Dumbledore getting cosy in the pantry!

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The lyrics to One, Two, Buckle My Shoe:

One, two, buckle my shoe

Three, four, shut the door

Five, six, pick up sticks

Seven, eight, lay them straight

Nine, ten, a big fat hen

Eleven, twelve, dig and delve

Thirteen, fourteen, maids a-courting

Fifteen, sixteen, maids in the kitchen

Seventeen, eighteen, maids in waiting

Nineteen, twenty, my plate's empty


	13. Dumbledore Is Holding

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Dumbledore Is Holding

Sing to the tune of 'Ring a Ring o' Roses'

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(I didn't realise that 'Ring a Ring o' Roses' had two verses until now!)

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Dumbledore is holding

A piece of toast that's moulding

"A-tishoo! A-tishoo!"

It's on the ground

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He's sniffing on his hanky

His toast has gone all manky

"A-tishoo! A-tishoo!"

It's all messed up

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Here are the lyrics to Ring a Ring o' Roses:

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Ring-a-ring o' roses

A pocket full of posies

"A-tishoo! A-tishoo!"

We all fall down

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Picking up the daises

Picking up the daises

A-tishoo! A-tishoo!

We all jump up


	14. Viktor Krum

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Viktor Krum

Sing to the tune of 'Hot Cross Buns'

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Hermione, hands on hips, tells a sympathetic Harry why she has fallen out with Viktor.

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"Vik- tor Krum! Drank some rum!

He got merry on some sherry,

Pinched Cho's bum!

Tried to give him water -

But he was having none -

Now I'm angry, tell him Harry,

He is dumped!"

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She storms off.

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Here are the lyrics to Hot Cross Buns:

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Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!

One a penny, two a penny,

Hot cross buns!

Give them to your daughters -

Give them to your sons -

One a penny, two a penny,

Hot cross buns!


	15. Fleur And Bill Ate Sugar Quills

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Fleur And Bill Ate Sugar Quills

Sing to the tune of 'Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill'

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Fleur and Bill scoff far too many sweets and poor Fleur pays the price.

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Fleur and Bill ate Sugar Quills that Gabrielle had bought her

Fleur then found a giant mound

Of chocolate frogs for afters

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Bill then got some Bertie Botts

And saved them all for later

But Fleur then said "Let's eat instead!"

Then puked upon the pavement

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Lyrics to Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill:

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after.

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Up Jack got, and home did trot

As fast as he could caper

He went to bed and bound his head

With vinegar and brown paper.


	16. Grumpy Buckbeak

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Grumpy Buckbeak

Sing to the tune of 'Humpty Dumpty'

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Sirius cheers up poor Buckbeak when his peers are mean to him.

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Grumpy Buckbeak sat on a wall

Dateless at the hippogriff ball

None of the hippogriffs would be his friend

Sirius Black made him happy again

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The lyrics to 'Humpty Dumpty':

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King's horses and all the King's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again


	17. Hagrid's Poodle

Thank you to hproxdobbyssox for suggesting that I should do Yankee Doodle – here it is!!

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Hagrid's Poodle

Sing to the tune of 'Yankee Doodle'

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Hagrid's newest pet goes on an expedition to Hogsmeade town….

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Hagrid's poodle went to town

Riding a Patronus

He ran into the Shrieking Shack

As Albus sang the chorus:

"Hagrid's poodle's in the pub

Drinking lots of shandy

Take him home before he's drunk

And keep him off the brandy!"

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Here are the lyrics to Yankee Doodle:

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Yankee Doodle went to town

Riding on a pony

He stuck a feather in his hat

And called it macaroni

Yankee Doodle, keep it up,

Yankee Doodle dandy

Mind the music and the step

And with the girls be handy


	18. Severus Snape Used Harry's Cape

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Severus Snape Used Harry's Cape

Sing to the tune of 'Little Bo-Peep Has Lost Her Sheep'

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There are actually three more verses to Little Bo-Peep, but I thought I'd keep it short and sweet!

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Severus has borrowed Harry's Invisibility Cloak. Hmm…I wonder what will happen? (Probably not what you're expecting!)

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Severus Snape used Harry's cape

To spy on Draco's dad

But he got caught, by Voldemort,

Who made him dance in drag

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Sirius Black came racing back

His ears and eyes alert

He rubbed his eyes in his surprise

To see Snape in a skirt!

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Here are the real lyrics to Little Bo-Peep:

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Little Bo peep has lost her sheep

And doesn't know where to find them

Leave them alone and they'll come home

Bringing their tails behind them

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Little Bo peep fell fast asleep

And dreamt she heard them bleating

But when she awoke, she found it a joke

For they were all still fleeting


	19. Prof Umbridge Is Such A Cow

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Prof. Umbridge Is Such A Cow

Sing to the tune of 'London Bridge Is Falling Down'

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Harry's thoughts on Umbridge….

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Prof Umbridge is such a cow,

Such a cow, such a cow,

Prof Umbridge is such a cow,

She just hates me.

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She's been acting very strange,

Very strange, very strange,

She's been acting very strange,

She's so shady.

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She insulted centaur Bane,

Centaur Bane, centaur Bane,

She insulted centaur Bane,

How degrading.

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Rumours say she's Filch's daughter,

Filch's daughter, Filch's daughter,

Rumours say she's Filch's daughter,

Someone save me.

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Here are the real lyrics to London Bridge is Falling Down:

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London Bridge is falling down,

Falling down, falling down,

London Bridge is falling down,

My fair Lady.

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Build it up with wood and clay,

Wood and clay, wood and clay,

Build it up with wood and clay,

My fair Lady.

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Wood and clay will wash away,

Wash away, wash away,

Wood and clay will wash away,

My fair Lady.

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Build it up with bricks and mortar,

Bricks and mortar, bricks and mortar,

Build it up with bricks and mortar,

My fair Lady.

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There are actually eight more verses. Yes, eight! But I thought that four was plenty for now!


	20. Little Miss Skeeter

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Little Miss Skeeter

Sing to the tune of 'Little Miss Muffet'

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I used the rhythm of Little Miss Muffet rather than the rhyme this time.

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Rita has a bit of a weakness for long-haired men….

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Little Miss Skeeter was a Death Eater

Hiding in Grimmauld Place

She spied on the Order,

But when that soon bored her,

She ended up flirting with Snape

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_A few years later, in Hogsmeade…._

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Little Miss Granger spotted a stranger

Enter the Shrieking Shack

She quickly pursued her,

And found the intruder,

Proposing to Sirius Black!

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(He said no)

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Here are the real lyrics to Little Miss Muffet:

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Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider

And sat down beside her

And frightened Miss Muffet away

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	21. Scary, Hairy, Fond of Dairy

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Scary, Hairy, Fond of Dairy

Sing to the tune of 'Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary'

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Aragog's thriving business in hair-care products.

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Scary, hairy, fond of dairy

Tell me though, did you know -

He often sells

Hair mousse and gels

For spiders who are on the go

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Lyrics to Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary:

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells

And cockle shells

And pretty maids all in a row


	22. It's Draining, I'm Yawning

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It's Draining, I'm Yawning

Sing to the tune of 'It's Raining, It's Pouring'

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Harry thoughts about Professor Binns during a History of Magic lesson.

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It's draining, I'm yawning,

This old ghost is boring,

He went to bed

And woke up dead

But carried on teaching next morning

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Lyrics to It's Raining, It's Pouring:

It's raining, it's pouring,

The old man is snoring,

He went to bed

And bumped his head

And couldn't get up in the morning


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